If It's Not Broken .... Dont Fix it ....
Or should I say ... if you don't tell me its broken , How can I fix it ?
These are the words I live by every day...
These are the words that ensure I never fight with my husband, that we never raise our voice at each other and that we never go to bed angry or wake up frustrated.
Because humans are not mind readers ,
He is not a mind reader and I am not a mind reader
So you have to talk to each other .... not yell , or scream , or be sarcastic
Really talk to each other !
Communication break down (I believe), is the easiest way for a marriage to crumble ...
If I don't know there's a problem , how can I fix it ..... ?
If you don't tell me how you feel , how do I know I'm hurting your feelings ?
If you don't tell me what you want ... how will I ever meet your expectations ?
Your husband can't read your mind,
He cant always tell why you are frustrated, angry , upset, hurt ... You have to spell it out for him.
and you have to do it without bitterness, sarcasm or spitefulness!
Because if you raise your voice, if you bring up things that happened 5 years ago ... then its not a discussion, its not constructive ... its an argument.
Passive Aggression, spiteful comments muttered under your breath and sarcasm ... do not work !
Talk about the problem , when it occurs ( not 2 weeks later)
Talk about it, tell each other how you feel .... try and find a solution
hug, kiss, hold hands ... remember the good !
let it go , move on , life it to short to fight about dishes not done, bins not emptied, anniversary's forgotten, bills that have to be paid ..
If you love each other,
The way that I love my husband ... you will always make it work
I don't want to waste a minute of our time together with bitterness in my heart
and Yes, these are the word of a newlywed , but also of someone who has dealt with a lot of conflict resolution ... this wont work for everyone or for every personality... but it works for us ...
We don't fight ...we have Constructive Discussions !
We never raise our voices at each other
We have never called each other a bad name
We never go to sleep angry
We have never stormed out on each other
Neither of us has ever slept on the couch because of a fight
No lamps have been thrown
and .. never ... ever ... have we thought about separating
and yes ... Aaron is finally starting to remember , valentines day and anniversary's :)
because marriage has its ups and downs , you have kids, bills, family, work etc ... not every day is peachy ...
But you have a choice to make it work, and too make it work better rather than to just give up !
Once again, I'm not a marriage expert,
but I sat down at my computer tonight, this was what was running through my head ...
so here you go,
xxx Free Range Mumma xxx